No, no I do not. I'm just pushing this cart filled with books around and putting said books back on the shelves for the pure pleasure I derive from such mind-numbingly repetitive tasks! Sheesh, yes I do work here, I'm the one behind the desk aren't?!
I have been employed at a local library for about six years. It's a good job for someone working their way through college. I've made some great friends there and have a TON of crazy patron stories. But today isn't a day for telling you stories about patrons, today I'm talking to all of you. I'm writing this for all the people that come into the library, that have library cards, that enjoy the programs that local libraries provide for communities.
Lets begin by looking at the picture above. Notice how beautiful the books look! They are all pulled out to the edge of the shelf so book titles can easily be read by tall, short, and average people alike! You might be able to see how there is a nice open space at the end of the shelf. That allows for more books to be placed on the shelf without cramming the books too tightly and making them impossible to be removed by patrons (AKA: all of you).
Please remember, YOU are the patrons, I am the staff. I am the one who knows the ancient secrets of book shelving. I am the one that spent all those months cloistered away in the Library at Alexandria, toiling over my studies in an effort to learn the art of shelving books. I am the one with the scars from innumerable paper cuts and scabbed blisters from tending to the volumes. NOT YOU. So please, unless your education was somehow superior to mine, leave the books that you don't want on a table of just return them at the front desk. You don't know where the books go so don't hurt your brain trying to figure it out. Place them in neat piles on a table, return them to someone with a cart, or even to the return desk. It's all ok.
Libraries offer a variety of family programs, especially during the upcoming summer months. The increase in family programing will mean an increase in the number of children running around the place. To all of you who have children, a word of advice: muzzles. Please. For everyone's sake. A library is a place of QUIET, not a place for a parent to enjoy some free babysitting. SHUT YOUR DAM KIDS UP. It's not that I hate little 'uns at the library, but I vastly prefer the cute quiet ones. Oh, and that awful 'shushing' sound? Yeah, most useless noise in the world, it just makes you sound like a snake or a tire with a slow leak. Hows this for a new rule (patrons with children do not get to vote): children are not allowed into the library until they have mastered the basic commands of sit, stay, shut up, and heel.
I should probably mention the porn....do I have your attention now? Yeah, our computers are public access and the adult computers aren't filtered. Combine that with your first amendment rights, and there ya go. Free access to porn with a library card. But before you get carried away, keep in mind the page staff knows what you're up to. We see the computer screens as we wander around. And you better believe we judge you. Also, some, but not all, librarians will ask you no to look at those nasty icky gross sites. There are plenty of children zipping around the place and boat loads of old people. So keep it in your pants and just don't look at porn in public. And there I go, solving problems again. Like a boss.
One last thing for this post before I go, hello all you regular patrons. Hello all you people who have earned nicknames based on your behavior or appearance based on how often we see you. Hello Katie Cobalt, Kurt, Purple, Limper, Porn Guy, Little Porn Guy, Thursday Guy With His Cute Little Daughter, Cute DVD Guy, Friendly Old Black Guy, Russian Guy, Annoying Girl Who Always Needs To Use Bathroom AFTER I Lock It, and anyone else I missed. Each and everyone of you is special, and each an everyone of you is remembered for a special reason. For some, the reason might be obvious. For others, they have a longgggg story behind them...Maybe someday I'll share with the rest of the class....
So yeah, there ya go. A small look into the life of a library employee. Pretty cool, pretty fun, love my job.
EDIT: IF ANY OF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE LIBRARY GRUNTS LIKE ME, I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR STORIES OF WORKPLACE FUN! LEAVE ME A COMMENT AND I'LL INCLUDE YOUR STORY IN MY NEXT LIBRARY BLOG! boo-ya. subtlety
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