Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
My grandfather was a fantastic man, am I am blessed that for 23 years he was my grandfather. But the time came for him to leave us a few days ago. The verse above has taken on a new meaning in my life this week. I knew that in a time of mourning, that God would provide me and my family with peace, but I had not expected to be surrounded by such love and support from my friends. My friends are surrounding me with such love and care. It doesn't at all stop the pain, but it alleviates the hurt.
I cannot say I didn't have enough time with Grandpa, he was ninety years old. He and Grandma were married for 60 years. They had five children together. Seventeen grandchildren. One great-granddaughter. Grandpa served in WWII, he was an inventor, and an all-around amazing man. Truly one of the last of his generation.
And as sad as I am at this time, I cannot be sad that he is gone. The past five years were awful as his health steadily declined. He had battled cancer in the late nineties and ended up having a lung removed. He went on to live another fifteen years after the surgery. What is hard, however, is seeing my Grandmother without her husband. She is physically unbalanced as she walks around, she looks so dazed and lost. The wake yesterday was awful. Seeing Grandpa in the casket like that....it wasn't him. My Grandpa was gone, that wasn't him. Grandma looked so tied and frail. When the time came to leave and go back to her house, she didn't want to leave him. She was sobbing on my momma and daddys shoulders. And Grandpas sister, his only remaining sibling, is just as heartbroken. I saw her, and I saw myself, seventy, or eighty years down the road all alone at my last siblings funeral. Seeing them sobbing during the wake was physically painful...
I'm finding out that grief is a strange thing. It is a physical pain, it hits you at strange times. It messes with your head. The aunts, uncles, and cousins all came in for the funeral, and spending the past few days with them has helped immensely. We filled Grandmas house with love and memories together. But when the time came for us to say goodnight and go home, that's when things would get worse for me. The only night I didn't cry myself into exhaustion, was the night that one of my friends skyped with me and sang to me silly musicals. But this is all just a part of the grieving process, this is all normal. I will be ok. Not today. Not tomorrow. But every day I get a little bit better, a little closer to ok.
